one thing... I can't get over

is how many dirty girls he has on his blog. I'm blown away by the sheer amount of skin, and foul language are coming from these girls. You know, he never respected those girls when we were younger. He thought it was disgusting and wrong for a woman to be so revealing and foul. Privately he loved a naked woman, but I am simply amazed at how angry, hard and provacative these girls are. And they call it being 'real'. Being 'themselves'. I've been checking out some of their blogs - cause you can link around and nose around if you want... and I am just saddened so much by the lost innocence. The anger, the rage, the emptiness of it all. It's like I've stepped into a world of hate, loss and dissilluisionment. It's so so sad. I tear up at it all. My eyes have been wet for days now.

He's not the innocent loving man he once was. He's compromised. Changed. Different.

Yet, on the phone there was that shy old self. That funny little 'lets get to know each other' quietness. That old self just peeking thru quietly. almost saying "do you recognize me? I'm still here... down here, somewhere, will you bring me back?"

I don't think he's going to like me as he gets to know me again. I'm not like all his new friends. I don't talk slang. I'm not angry, or bitter, or hiding from anything or anyone. I do say things that need to be said, but always trying to be loving, respectful, considerate of others, and with as little pain as I can possibly can say it. And somethings, you just shouldn't say, no matter how true they are - they don't always need to be said. I refuse to show my body off to strangers, and refuse to look for that kind of acceptance. It's so sadly superficial. I respect myself and the gift God has hidden deep inside me. I believe in good sex, (REALLY good sex if you must know! LOL).
But I also believe in the beauty of it, in a committed marriage, and I believe God created sex, and sexuality and the appetite (i.e. desire) for it as healthy, as a beautiful gift HE gave to us, but all this filth makes me so so sad. It's been distorted for no good. It's been violated for short term fullfillment, at a sacrifice for long term commitment. People have sex with their bodies, long before they make love with their minds. That doesn't seem right at all. It just doesn't seem right.