random ramblings and misc tidbits...

So officially, Christmas is over. I'm exhausted. So much work and prep, and gatherings have gone on since before Thanksgiving, that I cannot fathom that there is nothing left to do. No more shopping, no more cookies to bake, no more gifts to buy or make.What is finally left is just to take down the decorations, & pack it all away till next year. Crazy, as my friend J would say.

Tyler came away with a great haul this year. Several movies he wanted, and some he didn't know he wanted. A video game, a new hockey bag, a new electric razor for that beard that is coming in... other misc. things that are just for him. PJ's and the such. He's happy.

Christmas is always bittersweet for me. It's nice being able to bless others, and to give, as Christmas is supposed to be about giving, but it's also hard. My sisters dont have a lot of money, and what little they do have gets spent on their kiddos (as it SHOULD be) and then the other kids in the family. My mom doesn't have a lot either, so she does what she can (did I mention I LOVE my Build a bear?), but in the grande scheme of things, I never walk away with very much. Although what I do get is usually exactly what I've asked for. And I'm grateful that I do get anything at all. There are so many out there (like Katrina victims) who are still looking for that perfect Christmas, or even more, remembering it and having nothing left from it. I am so blessed and so happy, and yet year after year, something comes up empty and missing. I know that my relationship with God is supposed to fill that void, I know that I should be complete in him, and certainly, certainly know that gifts from others don't fill a supernatural void, but in my heart I just feel like something isn't quite there. I don't exactly know what it is... and sometimes think that what I think it is that is missing, is just another bandaid. So what is missing? If it's not the gifts, and it's not the company, and it's not the relationship with God... what is it? I just don't know. I can only pray that God would take the emptiness away, or fill it up, or show me what it is that I'm missing so that I can fix it you know?

Maybe it's just that Ty is gone to his dad's and I haven't heard from him since he left 12hrs ago. I will call him tomorrow and check in, find out when he's coming home, but for now... I dunno. I'm kinda sad that I haven't heard from him.

So some funny things. My nephew Logan. He's an adorable kid, but I think he and his brother are slightly autistic. He flipped out yesterday. Ty had given him a poster for christmas, and put it in a poster tube. Logan unwrapped the poster tube, and couldn't figure out how to get the top off of it to get to the inside. So he kept saying over and over, what is it. What is this? what IS this? I said to him... Logan it's toilet paper. He said it is not. I said yes, sweetie it is. What else comes in a skinny white tube? He got very angry and threw the tube on the floor, and hit Malik. Wow. Right? Granted the kid is only 7, but jeesh. it's a joke. Then I gave him my present. I got him a leap pad. He needs it since he can barely read. (Don't ask - cause I don't think it's ability - maybe motivation though) Anyway - again he can't get it open and I tell him (I know I'm mean) that i'm SURE someone got him Toilet paper and this MUST be it. Boy that kid can't take a joke. At least he didn't hit anyone this time! Anywho - my sister starts CRYING over the leap pad. CRYING! I got a picture of that. She was crying because she says she couldn't afford to get him the leap pad. Well I have my opinions on that, but I won't mention them in polite company. Better to keep your mouth shut about things you know? The bible says - he who speaks alot, sins alot. That's in Proverbs.

The best present of all came from my mom's bf. he got Ty and little bro M a portable basketball hoop for the backyard. Oh were they thrilled. I can't tell you how thrilled they are. Ty didn't get to enjoy it much, but when he comes back it'll be ready to go cause D and M spent 4 hrs in the cold garage (did I mention we live in Buffalo?) putting it together. it's in the garage now- just a couple small tweakings tomorrow and it's all ready for use. My brother is so excited. He's been asking all day when is Ty coming home so they can play. That's great. Off the video games and out in the yard. What more could we ask for?

I did take a 4 hr nap today. Mostly while they put the hoop together. Sorry I was tired. The last 2 months have caught up to me and I needed to take a break. Plus I put on about 6lbs and I need to get rid of that. Believe me I can't afford to add any more weight to this frame. At the rate I'm going, I will end up with serious health problems when I'm older. Sooo that's my first order of business right now - is to lose the 6 lbs and then work on all the rest of the body fat that has taken up residence on my stomach. That'll probably help with the back pain I've been dealing with for quite a while.

well I'm sure theres' more I need to update, but I can get to it tomorrow (today?) as it's 1am almost and I need to get to sleep. Tomorrow is my cleaning day. Then I'm meeting LC and going to see Pride & Predjudice. Looking forward to that! :)

Kisha