something about space...

That makes you wonder... does it REALLY make the heart grow fonder? Or is it out of sight out of mind? I mean there are obviously two schools of thought for this. But which is right?

Personally, I would say that well over a week since I've talked to him has been hard. Really hard. I got so used to that attention. That 'checking' in. That popping on the computer and having a message from him. The all night gab sessions. And heck it was only what? a whopping 4 weeks? It felt like a lifetime, and yet it sped by so ultra fast that it was like whiplash that it had ALREADY beena month you know?

But it's been I think since Tuesday that I told him no I would not be that 'other woman'. Since Tuesday since I told him yes I wanted to talk, and yes I want to be friends, but no I couldn't handle him breaking my heart twice in this lifetime. And he got upset. Well who knows what he got. personally I think he went off sulking in the corner. But he said "fine I should stop talking to you". But he hasn't stopped entirely. No, he hasn't. I get 1 line sentences from his IM, that really don't say anything about anything. But they are cordial, polite, even... cold and distant. I think. Who knows.

Has distance made the heart grow fonder? On his part... I doubt it. Somehow I have to think that he's had a pretty nice week, without chatting with me. Does he miss me? Whoknows... but from the amount of IM's I've gotten, & the fact that my phone has rung ZERO times... I'd say no. Of course I haven't called him either. Well how could I? His girlfriend is there. And she IS his girlfriend so what right do I have to call him? Another big ZERO. No right at all.

So I have to say that while he is on mymind daily... it is probably a case of out of sight, out of mind for him. I doubt highly he's thinkin of me. Which is... in the terms of who said it? Dr Phil? Honey.... he just ain't that into you... lol

Well ya know - as Pastor always says - if it is God today, it'll be God tomorrow. And I'm so ok with that. If this isn't what God wants, then what he does want is so much better, so much more, so much sweeter than I could ever think or imagine.

I'm just lonely... and I have to remember that loneliness is not a reason to latch onto the first guy who shows you some attention. That's just a trick of the devil to get your mind off of God, and onto the flesh. Speaking of flesh... talked with an old friend I'll call "L" yesterday. That was interesting. Never did think that guy would settle down.. but holy cow he finally up and got married. I was floored since in Nov when I chatted with him, he never mentioned even being engaged. Of course he's still up to his dirty rotten games of ... well it's not for me to say, but hopefully he'll get his act together and start acting right, before he breaks his lovely wife's heart, and she takes him for half of everything. In the meantime... like I say about R... I won't be that "other woman" - or in L's case... one of SEVERAL other women! No thank you... so we just chatted nicely and then he disapeared... lol (it was on the computer) so I'm sure this is the story of my life...

Always a bridesmaid - never a bride. Probably not something I should confess over myself so easily you know???

K