*sigh*

There is something truly frustrating in having to guess other people's feelings and motives. I wish, somehow that people could just be real. Take down the walls, take down the emotional barriers we set up. People who really know what they want, and aren't afraid to let it show, let it out, and well for lack of a better term, live with their heart on their sleeves.

ok so that sounds crazy right? Well here's the deal. I DO live with my heart on my sleeve. What you see, is pretty much what you get. I don't care if I get hurt, because I have comfort in being sure God will help me thru anything I have to deal with here on earth. Even when I make stupid mistakes, & do crazy things I know I shouldn't, God is always there for me, picking me up, dusting me off and telling me how much he loves me. Life is too precious, short and fleeting to do it any other way. Wreckless maybe, but I'm willing to take the chance. Now I realize most folks don't live this way. Don't believe this way, don't care about ME living this way. But I gotta say, it's so frustrating! I just want to meet someone that I can be 100% with. Don't we all? I mean doesn't everyone know that 'perfect' couple that just seems to click on every level? It never seems like they have weird days, or pull away from each other or hide anything.

I don't want to have to ever feel like I've got to 'hide' something from anyone. I want 100% real, true friendships. I want honesty. 100% Honesty.

Why is that so much to ask for? Has it always been that way? I had it once. A really loooong time ago. 100% honesty. Honest feelings, Honest joy, Honest hurt when you're hurt. I mean why hold back? Great love comes with great sacrifice does it not? Don't we all want that 'Great Love' that surpasses anything else here on earth? Guess I never realized what a gift it was till I recently realized I may never have it again. And that is worse for me than anything else I may never have again.

K